What is it like to be a parent of a donor egg child? Taking the fear out of the experience.

– Tonya Heilbrun

Recipient Representative

I was recently asked to write a full article about what it means to be a parent via donor eggs and to specifically address the fear that can and does often occur during the experience. I found this request relatable as I will admit, I did experience fear. But, what I have learned is that my “fear” was only of the unknown and with all “unknowns” in my life, my desires always overcame.

At first, it is the inability to know what people will do, think and say. Then, it is more about what the child will think, feel and say. Finally, it is how you the parent will feel when impacted by all of these unknowns. While these are certainly valid “fears” or thoughts, what I have learned is that it was my first real experiences of being a mother. And honestly, these are only the beginning. Once you feel that baby kick – the fears quadruple as does the excitement. But most importantly – the “fear” of what will my child think is long past.

What this all boils down to in the end is our own insecurities. Let us think about the logic behind it. At first, we as women are devastated that we have been told we have bad/old eggs. As a young girl, it is just a given that most of us want to grow up to be a mother one day. This in itself is a lot to process. So we learn that we can in fact carry a child and all that we need to do is accept the fact that we will need to use a donor egg.